


Of Him That Is Fallen

by quiverkaz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cute, Dogs, Fluff, M/M, Puppies, Some sadness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-27 04:56:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/974589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiverkaz/pseuds/quiverkaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel finds that he still has a strand of grace in him after he fell. he also befriends a dog while on a hunt, and convinces dean ( not really sam, though. he doesnt need to convince him) to keep the dog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They'd been investigating the death of a young woman. She'd been liquified on the inside, so they thought it could be the knock-off version of a djinn Sam and Dean had encountered about 6 months back. Sam thought the djinn was probably somebody close to the victim, so he suggested they go check out her house, and see if they could get any leads on who it might be.

The break-in to the victims small cottage home had been going smoothly until Cas heard a soft whining noise.

He paused in his rifling through a stack of papers on the coffee table in the living room. The noise was coming from the far end of the dark hallway that led away from him.

Another quiet but high-pitched whine. Cas turned and motioned to Dean while simultaneously reaching behind him for the gun he'd strapped to his belt. Dean caught Cas' movement, and reached for his own gun, a questioning look on his face.

Cas tapped his ear twice, then pointed down the hallway. Dean nodded and waved to get Sam's attention, who was in the kitchen. He immediately drew his gun and stalked over to them.

Cas tapped his ear and pointed down the hallway again for Sam's benefit, then began to creep slowly towards the source of the noise, gun held cautiously in front of him.

The hallway was too narrow for all three of them to fit productively, so Dean held back at the entrance and let Sam follow behind Cas.

The noise came again from the far end of the hall, a dull scratching accompanying it this time. Cas glanced back at Sam and Dean to see if they had heard it. Sam was nodding at him, but Dean must've been too far back to have heard. 

Castiel stopped in front of the closet and extended a hand towards the door knob, but paused, remembering that he was supposed to wait for Sam to show that he was ready. The rule had been one of the very first that the Winchesters had taught him. Always be ready.

Sam shifted the weight of the gun in his hands, then nodded. Cas mouthed silently down to three then pulled back the door, gun cocked and aimed. Sam fluidly moved so that he was shoulder to shoulder with Cas, gun also pointed and ready for what they'd assumed would be the djinn.

But in place of a djinn, was a dog nestled deep in a swath of blankets. It growled menacingly at them, sharp white teeth exposed. They sighed, and Sam lowered his gun, but Cas kept his loosely pointed at the dog. It may not be a supernatural creature, but it could still be dangerous.

Dean sauntered down the hallway to peek around Sam's shoulder at the grumbling specimen before them. He sighed and tucked his gun back into his belt.  
" Who would leave a dog in a closed closet?" Sam said with disgust. He slowly knelt down so as not to startle the dog, and extended a gentle hand towards it. The dog continued to growl for a moment, but soon quieted down and licked at his hand.

"Aw, your just a sweet little thing, aren't you?" Sam crooned. Dean grimaced and rolled his eyes.

Cas tucked his gun back into his belt and knelt down next to Sam to offer his hand for the dog to lick. Dean stayed standing.

" God, that is one fat dog." He muttered. The dog shifted and began to whine.

" I think you hurt it's feelings." Sam said, glancing back at his brother. 

Dean snorted. " Yeah, right. Dog's don't have feelings." 

" _Dean_ " 

The dog began to whine even louder, rolling onto it's side.

"What's it's-uh, _her_ -problem?" Dean asked, a bit nervous that he may have actually insulted the dog.

Cas frowned and shuffled a little closer to place a hand on her head. She growled, but it quickly turned into another whine.

" She's in pain."

" Any idea why? "

Cas slid his hand from the dogs head to her stomach, gently petting the soft area. As he did, he felt a tiny movement under her skin. He looked confusedly over at Sam and Dean, then back at the dog. Her front paw scrabbled at the floor as she let out a little yelp and another, more noticeable movement rippled underneath the skin and muscle of her belly.

"Oh." Cas said, finally understanding. He felt like he should have guessed it sooner.

" Oh what?" the brothers asked in unison.

" The dog isn't fat, Dean." Cas said matter of factually, " She's pregnant."

" Oh", Sam said, but Dean just squinted at Cas, one hand splayed out at his side. " Pregnant?"

" Yes. And she's going into labor."

Deans face fell blank as he processed this information " Uh, okay. So what should we do with her?"

Sam stood up from his knelt position, knees popping. " We could take her to the vet " he suggested.

" No, they'd ask too many questions there." Dean said." Like ' Why do you have some dead persons dog?'.

Sam nodded in agreement." True. It's a small town, and there's to much of a risk of someone recognizing her."

Dean sighed and glanced at his watch. It was twelve thirty at night. They'd been in the house for over half an hour, longer than Dean was comfortable with. It was late, so there wasn't much of a threat of anybody walking into the house, but there had to be _somebody_ who knew about the pregnant dog. And if there was, they might come to check on it.

The dog gave a small, pitiful whine, and looked up at them with pleading eyes that were full of pain, and a trust that was almost human. Dean had never really liked dogs, but he wasn't going to just walk out on one that needed help. Sam would never forgive him. 

Dean sighed, and knelt down next to Sam and Cas. " Okay. So what are we gonna do? It's not like any of us know how to deliver puppies." 

Cas glanced between them before saying sheepishly, " I do."

Sam and Dean turned to him, astonished. Cas shyly shrugged his shoulders. " Don't look so surprised," he said with a small smile. " You think I'd go thousands of years of living without knowing how to do this?"

" I didn't think that would be an angel priority" Sam laughed.

Dean was surprised to see a sudden streak of anger flash across Cas' face. " It's not," he retorted, "but when you've got millions of hours of free time, things get to be a bit boring. You think angels sat on their asses all day, doing nothing but watch you creatures?" 

Dean raised his eyebrows, but didn't question Cas' outburst. Sam stood there for a moment, stunned.

" Of course not, Cas." Sam said "Sorry". Cas shook his head and turned back to the dog. Sam shot Dean a worried look.

The dog whined again, rocking back and forth, staring up at them with big brown eyes clouded with pain.

" Alright. let's get this over with," Cas said, calm now. He hopped up from his crouched position and strode down the hallway, tossing a list of supplies over his shoulder. 

" I'm going to need scissors, warm towels, and some thread" he said, as they hurried to catch up.

He went to the sink and flicked on the water to scrub his hands with soap. Sam began searching through the kitchen drawers for what Cas had requested.

" Is that it?" Dean asked to Cas' back. " Doesn't seem like much."

Cas shot him a look. " The less I use, the less complicated it will be." He shut off the water, and Sam tossed him a towel from the stack he'd just located. Cas caught it and quickly dried his hands before brushing past Dean, and back to the whimpering dog.

Dean waited until he was out of earshot before turning to Sam. " He's a bit touchy on this subject, ain't he?" 

Sam gave him an exasperated look and left the kitchen, disappearing into a room off to the side. Dean followed him.

The room Sam had gone into was a sewing room. He was looking around in the drawers of a desk for thread. Dean spotted a spool on a table off to his left, so he grabbed it. " Hey". He waggled the thread at his brother.

" Oh." Sam closed the drawer of the cabinet he'd been looking through, and grabbed a pair of scissors from a pencil mug on top of the desk. Dean turned to go deliver the supplies to Cas.

" Hey, Dean, wait." Sam called after him in a low voice.

Dean paused to turn and look at him, eyebrow raised.

" I think, maybe Cas is still just getting used to being human" Sam said, in response to Deans earlier question. His brow was furrowed, something that Sam always did when analyzing something. " You know, if he were an angel, he'd be able to zap those puppies right out, but he's not. He's doing this all manually, so that's gotta be hard on him."

Dean nodded. " Yeah, I guess that makes sense." 

He spun the spool of thread in his hands, thinking it over. " I just-" he started, " I dunno, I wish I could do more for him than just...this." He held up the thread, feeling useless in the situation they were in. Dean couldn't help Cas at all, had no idea how to deliver puppies. He didn't know the first thing about it. Cas was completely alone in this, and Dean didn't want to see him fail because of it.

" He'll do fine." Sam said reassuringly.

Dean looked up from his hands to see Sam studying him, understanding on his face. Dean rolled his eyes, knowing what his brother was thinking.

" We better get this stuff to him." Dean said quickly, before Sam could say anything else. He turned away, ignoring Sam's chuckle as they left the sewing room to go back through the kitchen and down the dark hallway to Cas.

\---

When they returned, Cas was just a shadowy form in the middle of the hallway before Sam flicked on the overhead lamp, pale yellow light flooding the hall. They handed Cas the supplies, at which he mumbled a distracted "Thank you," before turning back to the whining dog. 

Dean couldn't help but smile a bit as he stood back and watched Cas. 

He was kneeling beside the dog with sleeves rolled up past his elbows and a scowl of stubborn determination on his face. It was such a familiar look, one Dean had seen on his face hundreds of times over the years.

But by looking closer, Dean could see that there was something completely new about Cas. Or maybe it was just something he had never taken the time to notice. Cas had always been - and Dean hated thinking this - a weapon, a tool, to him. He cared so much about the guy, but Cas' usefulness had always come first, and constantly seeing him as a dangerous instrument had clouded Deans perception of him. He'd never stopped to think that there might be something more to Cas than power and destruction...

And standing there, looking down at Cas murmuring soothingly to the panicked dog, Dean could see it, that gentle side that he'd been missing out on all these years. He wished he had seen it more often, or had seen it sooner. _God, would that have solved a lot of problems_ , Dean thought. 

A sharp bark broke through Deans musings, and he realized that Cas' arms were covered in a reddish, goopy substance. He was at the far end of the dog, hands held cupped as if to catch something.

" Here we go," Cas said with a smile. The dog gave one enormous heave, and a dark, wet bundle plopped out into Cas' hands. A high-pitched squeaking pierced their ears. Dean looked over at Sam to see a genuine smile play across his mouth, and Dean could feel one begin to spread on his own. Their job was surrounded and built off of death and the loss of a life. Rarely ever did they get to see the coming of a new one.

" Dean," Cas beamed. " Are your hands clean?" 

Dean nodded, wary of what Cas was starting at.

" Then get a towel and come here."

Dean grabbed a small one from the stack and knelt next to Cas, their thighs and shoulders touching.

" The next one is coming fast and I need you to clean his nose."

In Cas' palms there squirmed a little roll of light brown skin, covered in more of that goop and a small amount of blood.

Dean hesitated, afraid he might hurt it or drop it.

" Dean, hurry up." Cas said urgently, as the mother dog began whining loudly again.

Dean shook his head and wrapped the towel around his hands to receive the squirming pup. He was a small, warm weight in Deans hands. He couldn't help but smile again.

" Uh, what am I supposed to do?' Dean asked, just now remembering that he had a task.

Cas was wrist deep in dog, so he just tossed over his shoulder, " Wipe him off."

Dean gulped, then folded the towel over the puppy and began to rub off the slime. Once the little guy didn't look so wet, Dean briefly cradled him close, then returned him to his mothers side.

They didn't have to wait long for the next puppy to come. In a matter of seconds, another small, squeaking bundle was delivered. This time Cas called Sam over and handed the puppy to him, his face flooding with pure joy and awe.

Cas leaned back, waiting for the next puppy. Sam rubbed his puppy clean, then set him down next to his brother and mother. The dog was looking tired, so Cas decided to give her a break.

He stretched forward and gently rubbed the spot behind the mothers ears.

" You're doing well," he said softly. She laid her head down and closed her eyes, listening to the soothing rumble of Castiel's voice.

Their moment of peace was brief. The mother's eyes snapped open as a shudder ran along her damp fur. She stood up on her front legs, leaving the back to dangle weakly, the noise reminiscent of a squawking bird escaping through her teeth.

Dean carefully watched Cas.

He had one hand across the mothers belly, the other on her neck to steady her. He paused, then craned his neck to look at her tail end. The dog began flopping around, growling and whining in pain.

Cas felt her stomach again, a frown creased between his eyebrows.

" Oh no." he muttered.

"Oh no what?" Sam asked worriedly.

Cas unceremoniously crammed his hand up the dog. " The puppy's stuck," he said through clenched teeth.

The mother began to pant and wheeze. Dean winced at the sound, glad that he'd never have to experience this kind of pain.

" What can we do? Do you need h-" Dean started

" No," Cas said, cutting him off. " I just need to concentrate. Go wait in the living room or the kitchen. And take the other puppies. I don't want to have to worry about them too right now."

" Okay, Cas." Dean said warily. He exchanged a look with Sam, then leaned down and scooped up the newborn puppies, expecting the mother to growl at him, but she was in too much pain to notice.

Dean handed the newest puppy to Sam, and they reluctantly left the hallway, the sounds of tortured howls nipping at their backs.

\---


	2. Run, Breath of Life

Sam leaned back into the firm, uncomfortable couch and brought the dark chestnut colored puppy level with his eyes.

" Your mom's gonna be fine. There's no need to worry." he said seriously. The puppy jerkily raised its nose in the air at his voice before it settled down again. Sam gently laid it down on his thigh and ran his thumb over its short, soft fur.

" Ya know," he said, this time talking to Dean. " It's a shame we could never have a dog."

" Oh yeah, big shame." Dean muttered, eyes absent-mindedly staring down the hallway at the heels of Cas' shoes that poked out from behind the closet door. The continuous stream of short barks and yelps was starting to worry him.

He looked down at the tiny brown puppy in his hands. It's eyes were still closed, and he wasn't quite sure if that was a good or bad thing. He wasn't exactly an expert on newborn puppy behavior.

The piercing sounds that the dog was making was starting to hurt Deans ears.

_If this gets any louder, the neighbors are gonna start noticing,_ he thought.

They sat in the dark for what had to be 10 minutes at least, both cringing at the unbearable sounds throbbing from the hallway. They didn't say anything, because they both knew. Things weren't going well.

They sat for another minute, until one last long, dwindling howl reverberated through the room.

Dean peered down the hall to see that Cas had gotten to his feet, and was huddled over something that he held in his hands.

" ...Cas?" Dean asked tentatively.

Cas turned and slowly walked down the hallway towards them, cradling a dark little bundle in his hands. Sam and Dean rose out of their chairs, fearing the worst.

" Go...put those puppies with their mother." Cas said hoarsely. He didn't look either of them in the eye.

Sam shuffled his feet around, before quietly asking, " But...what about that one?"

He already knew the answer, but needed to hear it.

Cas still didn't look at them, but instead let his eyes wander across the floor.

" He'll-" Cas' voice broke. He cleared his throat.

" I'll be back in a minute," he choked, before rushing out of the room. They heard the back door slide open, then shut.

Sam shot a look at Dean, a faint shimmer in his eyes, then hesitantly made his way down the hall to the mother.

Dean stood a moment longer, staring solemnly in the direction Cas had gone. A heavy weight like that of a sinking rock filled his chest.

Over the past month, Dean had watched his best friend throw himself into their hunts. Any mistakes he'd made, he'd only made once. Every job he'd helped on had been a job well done. All the lives he'd saved had been a reward.

This was Cas' first loss as a hunter. He'd failed this one, and Dean knew what that felt like. He knew that Cas would have to experience it eventually, but it still hurt all the same, knowing what his friend was going through

The little puppy Dean held in his hands squirmed a bit. He blinked, and followed Sam. He gently laid his puppy next to the mothers belly. Her head was down, but once the puppies were set next to her, she lifted her head to nuzzle them.

" Good girl," Sam said quietly, stroking her soft head.

He sat back to lean his head on the opposite wall. Dean sat back next to him, and sighed. They watched the tiny family.

 

\---

 

In the back yard on the deck stairs, where no light but the stars shone, Cas sat, cupping the small body of the puppy that was slowly going cold in his hands. He could have held her in one palm, she was so tiny. Her fur was a dull black. Just a shadow in the night air.

His throat felt constricted, like a rope was wrapped around his neck.

" I'm sorry," Cas choked out. It was his fault. He shouldn't have waited so long to get the puppy out. It had barely been breathing by the time it was born, and the short gasps of its breath had ceased shortly after. He'd tried reviving it, but he'd known it would be hopeless.

Cas gasped as a tear streaked down his cheek and splashed onto his forearm. He grimaced. Tears had always been a painful experience for Cas. It was a bitter reminder that he was alive. Alive and human and alone in this world.

A hitching sob grabbed at his chest, and he tried to quell it, but it just brought more tears.

Why should he be allowed to live, with a past so twisted and dark, while one who could have had a better past did not. Why should that be? He didn't deserve to be there, to exist. He'd ended and ruined so many lives, and he thought he was done with that, but apparantly not. There had been one more life on his personal list of the dead.

Cas thumbed the small space between the pups forelegs, where a heart should have been beating. Where a soul should have thrummed.

Cas put one of his hands to his own chest, feeling the _hum-drum_ of his heart, his life force.

He dropped his hand back down to the puppy. He didn't want to have to look at it anymore. He wanted to bury it, to forget, but he knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to do that just yet. He closed his eyes.

_I would give anything to have you live,_ he thought towards the puppy. He sniffled.

And then he felt it. It was at the very back of his mind, in the smallest spot in his throat, in a miniscule pool in his chest. He'd forgotten about it, or his humanity had begun to get so strong that it overpowered the feeling of it. His grace.

Two months ago, he'd thought it had all been drained out of him, but one week after that awful night, when the crushing weight of his loss had come to be too much for him to bear, he had felt it. A tiny facet of light and energy had briefly shone like a beacon in his mind. How could he possibly have forgotten it was there?

His thoughts were dragged to Sam and Dean, who sat dejected inside the house behind him. _Of course._

The constant presence of two other lights had out-shone the smaller for the past two months. Those lights, which took the form of two denim-clad narcissists, had chased away the loneliness and kept it at bay. Now those lights were gone, if only very briefly, and the loneliness was coming back, so that the shimmering light of his fractured grace was starting to make its presence known to him once again.

He could use it. It would be gone forever, but he didn't care. He wanted it gone.

The small shadow in his palms was beginning to get stiff. He'd have to do it soon.

Castiels eyes fell closed as he brought the miniscule snout of the puppy to his lips. He could feel the light a bit more now. It twisted and throbbed in his chest, begging to be let free.

A human body was no place for a grace. All it needed was a little push.

Castiel cleared his throat and searched in the back of his mind. He had the words that would do it, but all he needed was to be able to remember them. His knowledge of Enochian had begun to dwindle as time went on.

He thought for a moment more, then finally found the right words. He stiffled a sob, then cleared his throat again.

" _Pah-rah-mah, gee-gee-peh-ah-peh-hee,"_ he whispered. _Run, breath of life._

He felt the last little ray of his grace bloom in his chest, then rise up into his throat. The crystalline light, that felt both cold and hot at the same time, ghosted past his lips, and into the tiny black nose of the motionless puppy.

Castiel gasped as the very last spindle of grace left him, a tear sliding down his face.

He didn't regret what he'd done at all. He'd known the grace was there, and he'd chosen to forget it, but it had left him in a state of limbo for the past 2 months. Not an angel, not a human. It had been weighing him down, making it impossible for him to get past what had happened to him.

But no more. It was gone, and he felt weightless, like a metal chain that had been wrapped around his ankles for the past thousands of years, had just been cut free. 

A slight movement in his hands startled him, and he remembered the puppy.

She lifted her tiny little noise, and began to whine.

A rush of relieved air was expelled from his chest. 

" You're alive," he rasped. He tilted his head back, staring up at the beautiful, beautiful stars.

He grinned as something began building up in his chest. He let out a short huff of it, then another, and another, until laughter was ringing clear like the peel of celebration bells in the night.

Of all the lives he'd saved in the past month while hunting with Sam and Dean, as he tried to repay for the lives that he'd taken before he fell, this one was the most rewarding.

This was the one that saved them all.

 

\---

 

Dean jumped up from his seated postion in the hallway as he heard the slamming of the back door. Sam stayed sitting, sadly watching the mother and two puppies that had made it.

Cas appeared at the end of the hall, a huge grin on his face.

Dean grimaced.

" Cas, you're kind creeping me...out..." Deans words faltered as he heard a short little chirruping noise float over Cas' hands.

Cas strode forward, still grinning madly. He held out his hands for Dean to see what was inside, although he already knew.

The jet-black puppy curled in Cas' hands was most definitely a runt, but she was alive.

Dean met Cas' gaze, eyes wide with disbelief.

" How did you..." Dean trailed off. He heard Sam stand up quickly behind him to get a look at the pup. The solemn look on his face was shed off once he saw the tiny ball of black wiggling in Cas' cupped hands.

" You did it Cas" he said, beaming. " I have no idea how, but.. you did it!"

" Knew you'd be able to." Dean said. Cas' smile fell until it mellowed out to match Dean's.

" Thank you." he said, truly meaning it. He held Deans gaze for a moment longer, then turned to Sam and nodded his appreciation. Sam nodded back, a proud gleam in his eye.

Cas moved past them so he could kneel down next to the mother and place the puppy next to her brothers. She nuzzled right on in between them so she could feed, and began to suckle happily. The mother dog turned her head to stare at the new-comer. She dipped her muzzle down and sniffed at her. She poked her tongue out to lick her shiny black fur, and, seeming content, flopped her head back down to rest.

Cas had left to wash his hands in the kitchen while the puppy settled down. He came back now, drying off his hands.

Sam and Dean sat back against the wall, leaving a gap for Cas to wedge in between them. They sat, shoulder to shoulder, and contentedly watched the healthy family.

A few moments passed in silence, until it was interrupted by Dean, who had just been hit with a sudden realization.

" What the hell are we gonna do with them?"

\---


End file.
